# Customer quote of the day



## melkoj (Jul 24, 2011)

"It looked so much eaiser to do on the Ytube video". I cant do anything but shake my head.


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

"I'm filing a complaint with the state on the plumber that came out last week, will you come out and work on it?" (early this morn.)

Not no, but HELL NO!


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## Phat Cat (Apr 1, 2009)

SlickRick said:


> "I'm filing a complaint with the state on the plumber that came out last week, will you come out and work on it?" (early this morn.)
> 
> Not no, but HELL NO!


:thumbup: Good for you!


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## SewerRatz (Apr 25, 2009)

Can you come out and fix my problem? It should only take you 5 minutes, so you shouldnt charge all that much.


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## ILPlumber (Jun 17, 2008)

melkoj said:


> "It looked so much eaiser to do on Dunbar's Ytube video". I cant do anything but shake my head.


Fixed for clarity


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

"that looks so easy" yea because I have been in trade many years. 

"is that like heavy duty super glue" ( referring to the cpvc glue I was using) WTF 

"all you need is some female couplings". WTF is a PVC solvent weld female coupling? If I would have used couplings they would have snapped due to the bend that was in the pipe creating extreme pressure. 

"I know a guy that can fix it a whole lot cheaper" And he will flood the whole house in the process cause he is a hack that has no clue on how to plumb. 

"wow that's expensive" yea cause we are professionals and we do it right. 


"a home deepthroat guy said i could fix it myself" does it look like I give two shiots? You obisly couldn't cause u called us

And the most famous one I hear alot

"could you just do a temporary repair"
Do I look like I'm Joe shmo the hack? 
I ain't gonna half arse it cause that ain't how us licensed professional plumbers do it. If you want temporary cheapness call the local hack. Then call servpro to clean up the 23k gallons that is gonna leak out when the mightyputty and bubble gum let go

:laughing:


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

"Its gonna cost how much?"


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## robwilliams (May 6, 2011)

I have one for you. We had a customer call us and told us they were loyal customers that have called us for repairs over the last 5 years, so they expected a real good price to rebuild their toilet. Then the woman, (I NEVER use the term "lady" until they prove that to me) told me, that the other company they have been using only charged $50 to come out and rebuild the toilet. This includes the drive time too!

Yea right, my first response was, if you are a loyal customer to me, why is this other guy coming out anyway? She said, he only came out a few times. I asked her why was she calling me this time instead of him. She said she couldn't get him to respond to her telephone calls. Then, she proceeded to argue with me about my service charge of $145.00. I told her that $145.00 covers the drive time and the first hour labor. She never did understand that, so I just told her, maybe she should wait for the other guy to return her calls and to have a good day.


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## 1703 (Jul 21, 2009)

"It hasn't been right since you worked on it."

First of all, I wouldn't have left if it wasn't right. 

Second, if it wasn't right since I worked on it, why did you wait 9 months to call and tell me?

Oh yeah, and stop flushing your tampons.


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## Nate H (Aug 27, 2011)

"I don't understand how condoms got in my sewer line. It's only me and my wife living here and I don't use condoms."


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## U666A (Dec 11, 2010)

Colgar said:


> First of all, I wouldn't have left if it wasn't right...


Haha... double entendre...

:laughing:


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

Nate H said:


> "I don't understand how condoms got in my sewer line. It's only me and my wife living here and I don't use condoms."


 

................as the young daughter and her boyfriend pull into the driveway..............:yes:


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## BROOKLYN\PLUMB (May 21, 2010)

RealLivePlumber said:


> ................as the young daughter and her boyfriend pull into the driveway..............:yes:


I'm sure they belonged to the wife's boyfriend (at least they weren't Magnums)


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## Nate H (Aug 27, 2011)

They didn't have kids. I'm sure that marriage is over.


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## Plumbdog (Jan 27, 2009)

Customer calls to get price to winterize cottage. Give him price and says wow thats expensive and says he'll call back. Well he actually calls back a week later and leaves message. " I should have mentioned that the guy who did the job last year did it for $80.00." As if this information will make any difference in my price. And I am sure he did such a great job that you decised to look for someone else to the work this year.:thumbsup:


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

RealLivePlumber said:


> ................as the young daughter and her boyfriend pull into the driveway..............:yes:


 
Happened to me ^^^

Should seen the look on the dudes face, as the red color started in his neck, and traveled up his head...........:yes:


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## Widdershins (Feb 5, 2011)

*Roughing in a 2-1/2 bath house -- Homeowner is the GC*

Started it yesterday.

"I've got the drywallers and tilesetter scheduled to come in right behind you, they're scheduled to start tomorrow."


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## Widdershins (Feb 5, 2011)

"Your budget has been accepted -- I need you to start tomorrow".


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## Widdershins (Feb 5, 2011)

"Can you guarantee those material prices through the completion of this three year project"?


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## AlbacoreShuffle (Aug 28, 2011)

" Thats a little steep for 20 minutes work "


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

"what the hell do I need that for"


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## U666A (Dec 11, 2010)

"What do you mean °pick two°? I want it done fast, good AND cheap!"



This is fictional, of course...


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## DesertOkie (Jul 15, 2011)

"Do you have any advise if I want to try it myself."

My advise is try it as early as possible mon-fri so I have time to get the right parts when it does not work.


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## Ishmael (Dec 9, 2009)

I had a customer who wanted a floor-mounted urinal in his house, but they're not allowed by MA code. So I sold him a nice little wall-hung Kohler unit with an electronic sensor/automatic flush. I figured since it's a residence, the flush should be quiet. Nope...turns out he wanted the full industrial/commercial flushometer set-up, so he wasn't happy with the model I sold him.

So he told me (sarcastically), "Every time I take a piss, I'll be thinking of you." :laughing:


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## gear junkie (Jun 20, 2008)

How did you break the pipe? Customer is looking over my shoulder during a sewer inspection and there was a huge offset in the line. He swore up and down I did it...needless to say, I walked.


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## DesertOkie (Jul 15, 2011)

Re-do at 2am .. The toilet is backing up into my sons sink. 
That's impossible unless you had 3 feet of poo water in here. 
look at the sink, you can still see it.
Did your son shave tonight?
Hold on...... yes he did, but I'm sure it something you did last month.
Here is your bill for the service call..... In that case you warranty is voided call someone else next time.


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## DUNBAR PLUMBING (Sep 11, 2008)

"Well you was recommended highly from so-n-so so I expect a good job at a fair price. How much are you going to charge me to take care of these small jobs at my home?" 

You tell them your prices, and


"Well so-n-so told me you was GOOD plumber and that I can TRUST you-" 


"and that's just too much for me to afford at this time."


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## Epox (Sep 19, 2010)

I have a leak in my house, how much do you charge fix leaks?
And of course the good ol "Do you take payments"?


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## Phat Cat (Apr 1, 2009)

Surprised I haven't seen this one yet as we hear it a lot.

"I'm on a fixed income."

"Do you think aggressive plunging caused the fittings to fail?"  (3 poly tees under a trailer) :no: "Are you sure?" :yes:


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## Dun' Right (Sep 27, 2010)

"I'm calling because your scheduled to come out today and give me a price on replacing my water lines. Could your guy give me a ride to the bank to get money to pay him?, My car just got repo'd" 

:no:


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## MikeS (Oct 3, 2011)

"125 dollars? Your not a brain surgeon, your a plumber!"

-Morris (90 year old veteran and retired bean counter from Boston.)


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## Plumber Jim (Jun 19, 2008)

MikeS said:


> "125 dollars? Your not a brain surgeon, your a plumber!"
> 
> -Morris (90 year old veteran and retired bean counter from Boston.)


That's when you reply that I know the Brain surgeon gets 2000 an hour.


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## Plumbdog (Jan 27, 2009)

After you've been working for three hours and just about done. And the HO has walked past your work at least a half a dozen times. They ask "would it be hard to change that?"

I say "No sir. Not hard, just expensive"


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## dankman (Nov 19, 2009)

When asked the cost of cabling a driveway drain from a badly broken catch basin I said needed to be replaced:

"$245? For that price I"ll just replace the catch basin myself, it's only like $50 in materials"

This is coming from a guy that just tried cleaning said line with a General Super Vee.


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## MikeS (Oct 3, 2011)

Did a job today where the home owner had lost the use of his right hand, so he asked if I could write the check out for him, since he's still trying to learn to write with his left hand. I said something like, "yeah, its really hard to try to use your other hand to write", to which he replied, "You know what's really hard? Learning to wipe your ass with your left hand." To which I said, "Wow, first job of the day and you already won my quote of the day!"


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

MikeS said:


> Did a job today where the home owner had lost the use of his right hand, so he asked if I could write the check out for him, since he's still trying to learn to write with his left hand. I said something like, "yeah, its really hard to try to use your other hand to write", to which he replied, "You know what's really hard? Learning to wipe your ass with your left hand." To which I said, "Wow, first job of the day and you already won my quote of the day!"


That's some funny stuff right there :laughing: :laughing: Sell him a seat bidet problem solved


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## 504Plumber (Jan 26, 2011)

[QUOTE="Phat ]
"I'm on a fixed income."
[/QUOTE]

I usually reply that I am as well and still have a house note, daycare for two kids on top of feeding two boys.


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## OakumJoe (Sep 2, 2011)

> Surprised I haven't seen this one yet as we hear it a lot.
> 
> "I'm on a fixed income."


Oh I love that one, my answer has always been "Are you ever lucky, try being self employed"

The classic BS line I've gotten my entire life has been "Give me a good deal on this job and I'll make sure to get you LOTS of work in the future."


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## Plumbersteve (Jan 25, 2011)

On bringing in the new one-piece Toto: "my husband Literally cannot wait to take a $hit in it"


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## U666A (Dec 11, 2010)

MikeS said:


> Did a job today where the home owner had lost the use of his right hand, so he asked if I could write the check out for him, since he's still trying to learn to write with his left hand. I said something like, "yeah, its really hard to try to use your other hand to write", to which he replied, "You know what's really hard? Learning to wipe your ass with your left hand." To which I said, "Wow, first job of the day and you already won my quote of the day!"


Very true! I broke my hand many years ago and for a few weeks a shower was required after every deuce...


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## retired rooter (Dec 31, 2008)

Nate H said:


> "I don't understand how condoms got in my sewer line. It's only me and my wife living here and I don't use condoms."


 This one I will never forget ,about 2 or 3 weeks later I saw his name in the obits column I have always wondered if he ate a bullet on account of those condoms ?? Guess I will never know!!?? that was over 25 ys back.


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## stillaround (Mar 11, 2009)

" I'll call you right back"

" I'll get back to you "

" I have to check with my husband/wife "

" Well I'll just get someone else "............:laughing:

" How much would that be? "


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

stillaround said:


> " I'll call you right back"
> 
> " I'll get back to you "
> 
> ...


:laughing: 

Another goodun is "we/I will think about it"


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

Or how about, "Can you make a list of the material, I want to buy the material myself."......I fell for that, ONCE.


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

Tommy plumber said:


> Or how about, "Can you make a list of the material, I want to buy the material myself."......I fell for that, ONCE.


Ive yet to hear that one


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

Mississippiplum said:


> Ive yet to hear that one


 




I have heard it a couple of times but I was only dumb enough to fall for it once....:laughing: 

Now when someone calls me and says they've purchased a W/H and want it installed, alarm bells go off along with red flags....:yes:


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

Tommy plumber said:


> Now when someone calls me and says they've purchased a W/H and want it installed, alarm bells go off along with red flags....:yes:


Epecially when it is a whirlpool w/h from blowes :laughing:


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## DUNBAR PLUMBING (Sep 11, 2008)

"Well we got a store credit that we have to use. Can you install a whirlpool hot water heater?"


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

Tommy plumber said:


> Or how about, "Can you make a list of the material, I want to buy the material myself."......I fell for that, ONCE.


 




The one time this happened was with a family friend of my wife's family...:whistling2: He was having a house built in Ft. Meyers, FL. So I drive there, (2 or 2 1/2 hrs ride) to look at the un-finished home. The GC had stopped paying the subs, so the subs walked off the job. The house had drywall up and the vanities and kitchen cabinets were installed but it needed all the fixtures and trim installed.

I made a material list of all that it needed. Angle stops, escutcheons, tailpieces, wax seals, etc., etc., etc. All the material needed to trim out the house. He purchased the material and had some one else install all of it. Like an idiot, I never got a deposit. 

That's called 'unpaid consulting.' I haven't done it since.

Another time a guy was adding an addition onto his home and also wanted a material list. (PVC pipe and fittings, copper fittings, tub and shw. valves, etc.)

I never made one for him because he wouldn't give me a deposit. Another plumber wound up doing the work.


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## SewerRat (Feb 26, 2011)

Pulling off of one job the other day and the neighbor comes swaggering across the lawn all cool and says "How much to pump a septic tank?"

"$220 for $1000 gallon."

"Your right here and you don't have to make a second trip. I'll go $150."

"We sometimes give a 10% discount if someone lines up more than one job in a neighborhood, so I can come down to $198."

"Well, fuel's 4 bucks a gallon and I know how it is cause I run a lot of trucks. I thought you'd do it for $150."

"But if I do I have to make a trip to the treatment plant to dump before my next job."

"_Well_, _your truck sounds awful empty. I thought you'd do it for $150. We'll maybe call you sometime. See ya later."_

*What a moron, $70 off cause I'm in the neighborhood?!? That's like a 33% discount. Forget him!*


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## sikxsevn (Jun 23, 2009)

Mississippiplum said:


> That's some funny stuff right there :laughing: :laughing: Sell him a seat bidet problem solved


That's what I was thinking myself, but be sure and upsell to the one with the heater, the cold only models can be a bit of a shock


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## frugalrooter (Dec 10, 2010)

" how is it a FREE estimate, if i have to miss work?" thats my fav


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## Just_lineIT (Nov 6, 2011)

How much? Oh wait I have a coupon...


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## pigskin plumber (Oct 2, 2011)

I started this twitter account because my ex-boss, Bob, was driving me crazy with his mouth at the time, but some stuff he would say had to be shared, so I shared it. All PG of course. 

Check it out http://twitter.com/#!/bob_the_plumber


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## Jason1 (Nov 10, 2011)

Tommy plumber said:


> Or how about, "Can you make a list of the material, I want to buy the material myself."......I fell for that, ONCE.


We get alot of that here in Rockford, They want to know what we are going to do before they agree, Phishing they are... I reply $94.00 and hour plus parts and I'll fix it. or if I need to bid it I give the whole price, but not tell them what I'm going to do untill they agree. the I'll go over the job in detail. They signed, I'm getting paid!


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## stillaround (Mar 11, 2009)

After cabling and jetting from the roof ( no cleanouts on the hard soil property where the sewer is 2Ft. + deep, 6 P.M. Sunday evening )...I finally had to pull the toilet which they all feared would create a mess that would harm the daughter with weak immune system.....I charged only $75 more and when I presented the bill......" I guess you should have started with pulling the toilet first ".....


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## Epox (Sep 19, 2010)

stillaround said:


> After cabling and jetting from the roof ( no cleanouts on the hard soil property where the sewer is 2Ft. + deep, 6 P.M. Sunday evening )...I finally had to pull the toilet which they all feared would create a mess that would harm the daughter with weak immune system.....I charged only $75 more and when I presented the bill......" I guess you should have started with pulling the toilet first ".....


 You just have wonder about some people. Doing your best and on a Sunday evening when you would have much rathered be home with the family.:bangin:


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

stillaround said:


> After cabling and jetting from the roof ( no cleanouts on the hard soil property where the sewer is 2Ft. + deep, 6 P.M. Sunday evening )...I finally had to pull the toilet which they all feared would create a mess that would harm the daughter with weak immune system.....I charged only $75 more and when I presented the bill......" I guess you should have started with pulling the toilet first ".....


I guess you felt like punching him in the face................


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## Plumbersteve (Jan 25, 2011)

My lip is still sore from having to bite it so hard to keep from laughing at this one...So this lady is on the phone with me from her work while I'm looking at her faucet in her house. I ask her to 'splain the problem. She stumbled over her words and it took her a minute to figure out how to 'splain it to me. she said "Well the faucet was dripping so to get it to stop, I jacked it off real hard"......:blink:...:blink:...:blink:...:laughing::laughing::laughing:


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## 504Plumber (Jan 26, 2011)

Plumbersteve said:


> My lip is still sore from having to bite it so hard to keep from laughing at this one...So this lady is on the phone with me from her work while I'm looking at her faucet in her house. I ask her to 'splain the problem. She stumbled over her words and it took her a minute to figure out how to 'splain it to me. she said "Well the faucet was dripping so to get it to stop, I jacked it off real hard"......:blink:...:blink:...:blink:...:laughing::laughing::laughing:


Should of asked her to come home and show you.


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

Plumbersteve said:


> My lip is still sore from having to bite it so hard to keep from laughing at this one...So this lady is on the phone with me from her work while I'm looking at her faucet in her house. I ask her to 'splain the problem. She stumbled over her words and it took her a minute to figure out how to 'splain it to me. she said "Well the faucet was dripping so to get it to stop, I jacked it off real hard"......:blink:...:blink:...:blink:...:laughing::laughing::laughing:


:lol: should have told her to demonstrate.


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## deca (Nov 11, 2011)

your working at a new home in a subd, and the guy next door comes over seen what your doing. ( oh plumbing, you must be the plumber (yep) you doing all these homes (yep) you work for your self (yep)do you ever do any side work?


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

deca said:


> your working at a new home in a subd, and the guy next door comes over seen what your doing. ( oh plumbing, you must be the plumber (yep) you doing all these homes (yep) you work for your self (yep)do you ever do any side work?


That is a priceless moment, you should have said yeah but I charge my normal rates.


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## deca (Nov 11, 2011)

I got one more. It was not me but the flat work concrete guy the home owner said I don't want to see a big crack running across the basement floor 6 months from now what kind of warranty do you have ? and the concrete guy looks at him and says ( fire and theft ) and walks off


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## Epox (Sep 19, 2010)

deca said:


> I got one more. It was not me but the flat work concrete guy the home owner said I don't want to see a big crack running across the basement floor 6 months from now what kind of warranty do you have ? and the concrete guy looks at him and says ( fire and theft ) and walks off


 I was in commercial / industrial concrete work for 18 years or so. When asked that question we would say "we *guarantee* the concrete to get hard and crack". :laughing:


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## DesertOkie (Jul 15, 2011)

Me sitting on my bucket running a mainline in the middle of a flood of crap from a cleanout. 

Customer with a big smile "That sure is a Shoity job".

Me "That's why we charge so much". 

Customer walks back inside without the big smile.


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## Svenmech (Nov 19, 2011)

DesertOkie said:


> Me sitting on my bucket running a mainline in the middle of a flood of crap from a cleanout.
> 
> Customer with a big smile "That sure is a Shoity job".
> 
> ...


I had one of my guys working on a lift station and the homeowner came in and said "oh man that stinks" and my guy said yeah it smells like money


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## Mississippiplum (Sep 30, 2011)

Svenmech said:


> I had one of my guys working on a lift station and the homeowner came in and said "oh man that stinks" and my guy said yeah it smells like money


I bet the lift station wasn't the only thing with shiot in it, (customers pants)


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