# I'll take pipe tape and toilet wax Ball float thingy for the win, alex



## DUNBAR PLUMBING (Sep 11, 2008)

Ever notice how funny it gets when non-plumbers, homeowners, people in general hack up the termage/verbage for plumbing?


"Yeah I need that pcv pipe in my house, but yer gunna have bust up duh cement floor. Do you work on cement floors? Got one of those bang-bang-bang! tools that make it crack so you can remove the cement? Cement sidewalks"


Best one is "That float dingey isn't working right, and my toilet is flushing on its own in the middle of the night! Holy Shiot!"


"It's got a handle on it but when I turn it water starts shooting everywhere" 

"I need one of those motors you put in the floor that makes water disappear." 

HUH?


"Can you help me pweeaze? I got 3 kids and when my oldest boy kenneth uses the bathroom we always get this yellow stain around the toilet, and I think that ring under the toilet is leaking." Ya think? Nooo-oooo! 

"I just got home and my wife tells me there's a leak coming out of the ceiling and it's brown." !!! "How much will that cost to fix that. ?" 

"Oh, brown spots in ceilings cost $79.40, we fix them all the time." << Suuure

"How bout you come over and give me an estimate on my dishe-washier? Last week (calls on a saturday evening) my wife sez there was smoke coming out of it, and now it don't run. Can you tell me what's rong with it?" 

"Sure, the 85-6C033P is bad and we'll get taken care of for ye." 


Starts off crying,

"I just got off work (sobs) and I work 2 full time jobs (crying loudly) and my toilet must of been running for weeks (starts balling uncontrollably) and I just got my water bill and (stops for a minute and cries loudly) it's $500.00!!!! How much would you charge to fix my toilet and could I pay you on the 20th?"

Then you get there and the pizza guy beat YOU to the door with the $38 order, and you're offered a piece of cheese bread. 


"Hey, that thing you got that spins round,


how much u charge to run that about 10 minutes in my pipe. ?"


"HEeeeey, you do such great work, I heard you're the best in town! Hey I've got this situation *talks for 10 minutes about everything and nothing at the same time, gets to the final statement*

and I have the pipe and valve, just two 5" pieces of copper and the handle thingey I bought at lowe's. How much would that cost to use your torch and glue those pipes to the valve? I figure it will take no longer than 10 minutes."

"yeah, i'm jus callin' for my neighbor, hez got this drain problem that's been goin on for munths and he cant' get a plumber over there to fix it, 

says he'll pay you cash and he needs it snaked out so it stops the smell in da basement. how much you think that's gonna cost him?" 


"You came highly recommended, I checked the better business bureau before I called you, you have a good reputation, so I don't expect to get SCREWED like my last plumber did to me. I need a free estimate on my faucets. They all run slow and the last plumber said it was my pipes were clogged. Well I just don't believe him and given your credentials I am trusting YOU to give me an estimate to do it right.

I don't want anything but what it takes to fix it. I heard about this new piping and if it is cheaper for you to buy, I expect it to be cheaper to fix." ??? 



"Yeaaaaaahh, you did work for so-n-so and I've got 3 toilets that have problems. If I buy the toilets how much you charge to install them. (you give a price and) well how much is it now cuz I already bought them, you DON'T have to buy them because they are already there." 

???

"There's a leak in my bathroom" 

silence~~~ 

"How much do you charge to fix the leak?"


"I need a free estimate, I've got numerous plumbing issues that I need taken care of today." 

You ask what they are, and-

"Well that's why I'm calling you to see if I can schedule a free estimate.-" 

"Hey can you put that blower on top a water heater that came off my old one?"


And it goes on, and on, and on, and on foreever.


Feel free to add any famous ones that you hold near and dear to your heart in the profession of plumbing throughout the years. :no:


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## chuckscott (Oct 20, 2010)

My favorite is, "Are you going to change the bees wax?"

Or, when cleaning a drain, "How far have you gone so far?"

They say flushable..

And why is it whenever I go to a Chinese restaurant the first thing out of their mouth after I hand them the bill is, "Wow, you expensive!"


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## SewerRatz (Apr 25, 2009)

Thing that annoys me is when I walk in and the people in the house say "Hey its the Rooter Guy"


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

Or how about when HO has a backup with water backing up into shower and they say, "Sand is coming up out of the drain." I'm thinking that ain't sand.


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## chuckscott (Oct 20, 2010)

Tommy plumber said:


> Or how about when HO has a backup with water backing up into shower and they say, "Sand is coming up out of the drain." I'm thinking that ain't sand.


Black sand and brown mud....


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## Airgap (Dec 18, 2008)

"All the other faucet things have plenty of POWER" "Why don't my kitchen sink have much POWER"? :blink:


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## PlumberJake (Nov 15, 2010)

Homeowner: "If I had known that was the only the thing wrong I would've fixed it myself!" :confused1::wallbash:


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## evilcyrus (Apr 27, 2009)

best one i ever heard.. Basement laudry tub backedup , facuet not working and line to washermachine leakin.. walk downstairs Floor is coverd wall to wall in clothes piled up... i look at her and say so this just happend , yeap it just happend yesterday excuse the mess i haven't been able to do laundry this weekkend... ahahahhahahahha I always get that excuses the mess its due to a plumbing issue.. Stop lying peeps.. your lazy nuttin to do with plumbing problem. i havn't been able to do my dishes .. STACKD TO THE CIEILING all over the counter.. cause my sink backed up This morning.. ahhaahhahhaha


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## greenscoutII (Aug 27, 2008)

So, can you fix my hot water heater?

No maam, the tank itself has split. Only recourse is to change it out.

Can't you just put a patch on it?

No maam, the whole water heater has to be replaced.

Why do I have to buy a whole hot water heater when just the tank is bad? Can't you just replace _that_?

No mamm, tanks aren't sold separately. I'm sorry, but the only way to get the hot water running again is to replace the water heater.

You're trying to rip me off! No way I'm buying a whole hot water heater when just the tank is bad! I'm calling the BBB! I want your supervisor's phone number NOW!


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## Ishmael (Dec 9, 2009)

A homeowner just the other day saw me measuring along her outside wall and asked what I was doing. 

*Me:* _"I'm measuring so I can drill a hole for a spigot_"_. _

*Her: *_"Oh. __What's a spigot_?".

*Me*: _"Um...a sillcock?"_

*Her:* :huh:

*Me: *_"A hose bibb??"_

*Her:* :huh::huh:

*Me:* _"You know...something to attach a garden hose to"_

*Her:* _"Ooooooooohhh....OK"_


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## Ishmael (Dec 9, 2009)

greenscoutII said:


> So, can you fix my hot water heater?
> 
> No maam, the tank itself has split. Only recourse is to change it out.
> 
> ...


 
*...And do me a favor, lady: When the next 100 plumbers you talk to confirm exactly what I'm telling you now, and you realize what a complete buffoon you are, don't call me. *


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## Pipe Rat (Apr 5, 2009)

SewerRatz said:


> Thing that annoys me is when I walk in and the people in the house say "Hey its the Rooter Guy"


:blink: UH........ A-Archer sewer and drain :blink:


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## SewerRatz (Apr 25, 2009)

Yea, but there is no Rooter in our name is there. I have no affiliation with Roto Rooter, Dyno Rooter, Mr Rooter or any of them. We are A-Archer Sewer & Plumbing(Note there is no drain in the name). We are plumbers and drain cleaners. Not a Rooter Guy.


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## easttexasplumb (Oct 13, 2010)

My favorite is "While you are here"

"Need a new flap thingy"


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## oaklandplumber (May 10, 2009)

How much to clear the main? Is there a cleanout? Yea its on the roof.

"I ve always been a handy guy the clog must really be a tough one i ran 25' of my hand held and its still clogged":laughing: 


we just finished remodeling our bathroom and just need a few things touched up and installed can you come take a look? They're really asking(we didn't want to pay for top out can you do it dirt cheap) click...:no:


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## bartnc37 (Feb 24, 2009)

All I gotta say is Mr obvious from the Bob and Som show for the garbage disposal,DW, and sump pump. Seriously its not to far off from some of the descriptions i get.


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

"My shower head doesn't have enough pressure, can you increase the pressure?"


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## chuckscott (Oct 20, 2010)

oaklandplumber said:


> "I ve always been a handy guy the clog must really be a tough one i ran 25' of my hand held and its still clogged":laughing:


Usually see the hand held laying on the floor with the cable out of it. Oh, don't forget the kinks in it.. Stinkin' tough clogs are a killer..:laughing:


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## oaklandplumber (May 10, 2009)

Is that draino i smell? " i didn't put draino in there it must have been my wife" damn wives:laughing: or why does it smell like some sweaty ass feet in here? "oh that, i googled it and it said to put vinagar and baking soda down the drain to clear it so i poured the whole jug in the sink but it's still clogged"


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## ap plumbing (Nov 9, 2010)

How about, what clogged up my sink? well maam it was because there was alot of grease in the line.but I don't put grease in my sink .:furious: :no:


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## ap plumbing (Nov 9, 2010)

:blush:What stopped up my toilet? Well it was a tampon:blush: Must of been my daughter, sure lady, pay me my money:laughing:


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

Standing in the driveway with the ho, looking at the culprit hanging from the cable, "Whadda ya mean it was condoms that were stopping my sewer? I don't use em" (as teenage daughter pulls into driveway with her boyfriend).


"Tampons, oh, I don't flush those" (Young girl at a rental property, 1st month there. ) ("sure you do, but look at the bright side, you made it through another month:thumbsup:") 

"It must have backed into my pipe, from the main":laughing:


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## Proud Plumber (Sep 15, 2008)

I like it when you first arrive to the job and the first thing they do is rattle off there personal resume. Always starts with I used to do construction. I always think to myself man.... construction is a big big word. As I am looking at his liquid nailed panel board shower with at least 4 tubes of silicone holding the tub to the walls just below the vice grips cold water valve. 

Of course as you know the next words out of this guys mouth as you prepare his estimate are.... I could do this myself,,, as if if I am supposed to slash my prices because he said that.

Of course my all time favorite is the nerdy guy who trys to play the rough edged contractor and slings PCV lingo all over the place.... LOL it is almost intimidating.


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## oaklandplumber (May 10, 2009)

RealLivePlumber said:


> "It must have backed into my pipe, from the main":laughing:


Thats a classic,"i don't understand how tampons got in there could it have backed up in to my drain from the city main"?


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## oaklandplumber (May 10, 2009)

How bout one of my favorites "i know right were the clog is, theres a bend about 25' from the cleanout "i just don't have the tools to get it", and he points to the spot like that means he's going to get a discount out of me.


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## Redwood (Sep 8, 2008)

My favorite was the house with the 3 sisters living in it after their parents moved a block down the street to a new house they built on the beach...

I cleared the main by snaking it from the septic tank back to the house and I pull the cable out cleaning the stuff off of it...

Sister #1: What are those?

Me: Blind White Sewer Mice... :laughing:

Sister #2: Are those feminine products?

Me: Yep

Sister #3: Ewwwww

Me: You shouldn't flush those...

Dad who was footing the bill: I told you girls not to flush those.

Sister # 1 & 2 in unison: It wasn't me I haven't had it this month yet...:laughing:

Called out by your own sisters...
Imagine that! :laughing:


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## 422 plumber (Jul 31, 2008)

My favorite insult was the clod who called and asked me to swing by his house on the way home from work, because he didn't want to pay a service call. He said, "I need you to fix the toilet (A Kohler which had defeated him because Lowes didn't carry all the million Kohler repair parts,) I could do it myself, but don't have the time." He was a salesman for Valvolene or Pennzoil, or some crap. I told him, "Howard, you don't let your customers set your prices do you?" He answered, "of course not." "Then you can't set my prices," I said. 
What a clod! Because he mistakenly thought that he could fix his toilet, which had no basis in reality, he devalued my expertise and inflated his own lack of competence and called them even.


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## Pro Plumber (Jun 16, 2010)

How much is for you to come over and do a ten minute repair. Will you only charge me for the ten minutes it takes for you to fix it!


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## Pro Plumber (Jun 16, 2010)

How about when the pipe in the garage freezes. You get the call 10:00 at night, make the repair by midnight. Than a week later you get the same guy calling because there's still a leak. Except this time its in his basement and about 50 feet away from where your repair was done. To make things worst it's not a plumbing issue it's a leaky basement wall. This guy is argumentative that this should be covered by warranty and refuses to pay for your service call.:furious:


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

Pro Plumber said:


> How about when the pipe in the garage freezes. You get the call 10:00 at night, make the repair by midnight. Than a week later you get the same guy calling because there's still a leak. Except this time its in his basement and about 50 feet away from where your repair was done. To make things worst it's not a plumbing issue it's a leaky basement wall. This guy is argumentative that this should be covered by warranty and refuses to pay for your service call.:furious:


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Post an intro and tell our members where you are from, yrs in the trade, and your area(s) of expertise in the plumbing field.

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## 1703 (Jul 21, 2009)

I know what it means to *UN*wrap a present and *UN*tie a knot.

Would someone please explain what it means to *UN*thaw a frozen water line?


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## chuckscott (Oct 20, 2010)

Colgar said:


> I know what it means to *UN*wrap a present and *UN*tie a knot.
> 
> Would someone please explain what it means to *UN*thaw a frozen water line?



What's a hot water heater?:whistling2:


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## mssp (Dec 15, 2009)

chuckscott said:


> What's a hot water heater?:whistling2:


 

EXACTLY!!! i am going through my sons Plumbing Merit badge with him for Scouts. Hot water heater is stated about 40 times in that book.:icon_redface:


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## Redwood (Sep 8, 2008)

chuckscott said:


> What's a hot water heater?:whistling2:


Umm This would be a "Hot" water heater... :whistling2:

Are you a plumber? :laughing:

http://bradfordwhite.com/images/shared/pdfs/specsheets/405-B.pdf


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## chuckscott (Oct 20, 2010)

Redwood said:


> Umm This would be a "Hot" water heater... :whistling2:
> 
> Are you a plumber? :laughing:
> 
> http://bradfordwhite.com/images/shared/pdfs/specsheets/405-B.pdf


There is some home owner wanting to install or already installed that in their house, I am sure of it.  Just look for the idiot with the bright red peeling oozing skin. 

I is too a plumber!!:yes:


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