# Outhouse poetry....



## Qball415 (Nov 20, 2010)

Over the years i seen some pretty funny stuff in the outhouses recently i ran into this one...Must of been a  carpenter.
.....If i was any dumber i would be a plumber...Id rather sit in the shi**er than to be a fitter.... 
Lets hear some poetry you guys have seen.


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## liquidplumber (Dec 6, 2009)

Here I sit tired and dirty trying to hide until three thirty


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## Protech (Sep 22, 2008)

Here I sit broken harted, thought I sh!t but only farted.


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## Qball415 (Nov 20, 2010)

Heres one of my favorites.
"Any turds exceeding 6" in length must be hand lowered due to chemical splash on cheeks". Per health code 114.78.


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

"No matter how much you wiggle and dance,

the last few drops are in your pants."


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## GREENPLUM (Jul 27, 2008)

The joke is in your hand.


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## LEAD INGOT (Jul 15, 2009)

As you sit with your feet on the floor, I'm backing my truck against the door. See ya at 5:00.


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## breid1903 (Feb 8, 2009)

here i sit on the pooper, i just made an indiana state trooper. breid............:rockon:


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## G3farms (Oct 29, 2010)

:devil2:


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## greenscoutII (Aug 27, 2008)

My personal favorite:

Remember, if you shake it more than three times, you're playing with it. Get back to work.....

Also, written on the box for toilet seat covers which is always empty, "superintendent hats"


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## Lifer (Nov 23, 2010)

Here I sat broken hearted paid my last dime and only farted...


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## Redwood (Sep 8, 2008)

I saw my ex-wife's phone number on the wall in one...:laughing:

Wonder how that got there...:whistling2:


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## DIZ (Nov 17, 2010)

*for the ones with urinals.*

Sink too low, soap too hard.


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## PLUMBER_BILL (Oct 23, 2009)

*On compartment doors*

From the attachment archives ...

http://www.plumbingzone.com/attachments/f13/7311d1284997182-random-thoughts-thread-man-john_2.doc


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## Qball415 (Nov 20, 2010)

Cant wait to get to Office Depot, im going to buy the fattest permanent marker they have! I have lots of graffiti to catch up on:icon_lol:.


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## Bill (Jun 17, 2008)

Got a few complaints. Lets keep any racial remarks to a minimum. 

Thanks.


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

To be consistant I removed a few of the post that had been reported as racist. If you were affected, it is nothing personal, just trying to stop the reports, so we can carry on.


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## ranman (Jan 24, 2010)

I say that job site outhouses should be dry erase on the inside and have markers on a string so you can do your handy work and it is easily cleaned.

some of it is funny, some shows how stupid some are.


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

ranman said:


> I say that job site outhouses should be dry erase on the inside and have markers on a string so you can do your handy work and it is easily cleaned.
> 
> some of it is funny, some shows how stupid some are.


I had hands write my name and say that I said I could kick anyones ars. I had guy's walking up to me, look at the name on my hardhat and turn around and walk off. This went on for weeks. I just happened to see it in the jon. No takers though.


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## plumber666 (Sep 19, 2010)

One of my favorites is when there's at least two $hitters on a site. Ya know that 4" vent out the top of them? Discretely put a plastic cap on one. I'll tell the tinbashers and maybe the odd sparky, and they'll know which crapper to not use. Sitting around at coffee and lunch watching the drywallers etc. come out of the capped vent port-a-john with that look of horror and outrage on their faces.....priceless.


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## greenscoutII (Aug 27, 2008)

plumber666 said:


> One of my favorites is when there's at least two $hitters on a site. Ya know that 4" vent out the top of them? Discretely put a plastic cap on one. I'll tell the tinbashers and maybe the odd sparky, and they'll know which crapper to not use. Sitting around at coffee and lunch watching the drywallers etc. come out of the capped vent port-a-john with that look of horror and outrage on their faces.....priceless.


:laughing::laughing::laughing: Thats priceless......:laughing::laughing::laughing:

Out here plumbers & sparkies are close friends, but tin bangers? Well, they're the enemy lol.......

Reminds me of something that happened one time on a Pulte site.

One day I was plumbing a house and one of the other journeymen came by and asked if I'd seen his apprentice. I said yeah, I saw him go in the ****ter a while back. My buddy said he'd been looking for him for an hour...

Now this particular apprentice was known for his disappearing acts.

My buddy goes out to the ****ter and verifies that it is indeed his missing apprentice in the ****ter. Probably smoking a doobie......

Anyway, my buddy then drops a large dirt clod down the vent pipe....

I don't remember the kid's real name. He was known as "Splash" after that......


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## DIZ (Nov 17, 2010)

Screwing the door shut while in use by drywaller. Ironically drywall screws are best for this application.


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## Airgap (Dec 18, 2008)

I would like to apologize to anyone I offended with my post in this thread...


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## plumber666 (Sep 19, 2010)

greenscoutII said:


> :laughing::laughing::laughing: Thats priceless......:laughing::laughing::laughing:
> 
> Out here plumbers & sparkies are close friends, but tin bangers? Well, they're the enemy lol.......
> 
> ...


 
Best for that trick is a slug from a 3" core. I felt so bad for the kid I saw that done to.


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## plumbpro (Mar 10, 2010)

That is crossing the line in my book. If I did that to someone, I'd watch my back fo sho



greenscoutII said:


> :laughing::laughing::laughing: Thats priceless......:laughing::laughing::laughing:
> 
> Out here plumbers & sparkies are close friends, but tin bangers? Well, they're the enemy lol.......
> 
> ...


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

It's ok. I wasnt offended. Don't think for a second that they don't talk crap about Americans in their country. But that's ok. this is the land of political correctness.




Airgap said:


> I would like to apologize to anyone I offended with my post in this thread...


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

Airgap PM'ed his politically corrected version, it went something like this...

Here I sit, not trying to be rude, but I just gave birth, to a big white dude.


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

If he has clay colored stools that may be a liver problem. :laughing:




slickrick said:


> Airgap PM'ed his politically corrected version, it went something like this...
> 
> Here I sit, not trying to be rude, but I just gave birth, to a big white dude.


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

speaking of correctness. are there any jokes about white people?


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## breid1903 (Feb 8, 2009)

house plumber. not me i was talking about the police. breid...........:rockon:.


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

wha chu talkin bout Willis? :laughing: I didn't complain.




breid1903 said:


> house plumber. not me i was talking about the police. breid...........:rockon:.


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## pauliplumber (Feb 9, 2009)

slickrick said:


> Airgap PM'ed his politically corrected version, it went something like this...
> 
> Here I sit, not trying to be rude, but I just gave birth, to a big white dude.


I found this rather offensive and racist. Now how do I report a post again? 














:laughing:


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## RW Plumbing (Aug 16, 2010)

Yeah it's amazing how making fun of Whites isn't racist but any other race is.............:whistling2:


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## Shuanvon (Aug 5, 2009)

house plumber said:


> It's ok. I wasnt offended. Don't think for a second that they don't talk crap about Americans in their country. But that's ok. this is the land of political correctness.


Your avatar is banging "your mom" and yet you are concerned with political correctness?:blink: Let me guess...you are a democrat:yes:


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## Protech (Sep 22, 2008)

This statement makes no sense......on several levels....



Shuanvon said:


> Your avatar is banging "your mom" and yet you are concerned with political correctness?:blink: Let me guess...you are a democrat:yes:


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

so what you're saying is, my cartoon avatar represents my political views and the type of person I am? 




Shuanvon said:


> Your avatar is banging "your mom" and yet you are concerned with political correctness?:blink: Let me guess...you are a democrat:yes:


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

yours shows you on a track hoe. You must be part indian with a little bit of jewish and a side of polish and a pinch of muslim and a tad of cat. Oh, and you have to be a tea bagger. Because liberals operate back hoes. And others with political views right down the middle operate steam rollers. Am I right?




Shuanvon said:


> Your avatar is banging "your mom" and yet you are concerned with political correctness?:blink: Let me guess...you are a democrat:yes:


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## Protech (Sep 22, 2008)

Mine is a Mexican doughnut holding a pistol, so I'm obviously a conservative authoritarian right? :laughing:


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

and with those sprinkles, you can just tell that your great grandmother's daughter's uncle's little sister's dad's cousin's uncle's mom's aunt's next door neighbors son in law was a republican. You can tell how they were placed on the doughnut. Don't get me started on Matt's avatar. I would be banned.




Protech said:


> Mine is a Mexican doughnut holding a pistol, so I'm obviously a conservative authoritarian right? :laughing:


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## Airgap (Dec 18, 2008)

Now I'm offended....I just don't know why...


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## Shuanvon (Aug 5, 2009)

Wow i missed out on alot...I was merely pointing out that you are promoting something that is offensive on your avatar, but were offended by a joke about your heritage. just seems like a double standard to me. The association with a certain political party i thought was a logical conclusion based on that double standard but i may be wrong


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## Optimus Primer (May 20, 2009)

Shuanvon said:


> Wow i missed out on alot...I was merely pointing out that you are promoting something that is offensive on your avatar, but were offended by a joke about your heritage. just seems like a double standard to me. The association with a certain political party i thought was a logical conclusion based on that double standard but i may be wrong


 
I wasnt offended. I'm white, I dont get offended. If you reread the post it says--- it's ok. I wasn't offended.


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## JK949 (Mar 18, 2009)

house plumber said:


> speaking of correctness. are there any jokes about white people?



"Yes and they are HARSH! I know this because none of my black friends will tell me any. Think about it, they had 400 years to come up with them" -Chris Titus:laughing:


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## sNApple (Jan 19, 2010)

if it aint broke " insert mechanical name" didn't install it


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## RW Plumbing (Aug 16, 2010)

hose too short pump too weak, get close man your you'll piss on your feet.


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## RW Plumbing (Aug 16, 2010)

Here I sit getting thinner, Giving birth to a baby Tinner.


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## Tommy plumber (Feb 19, 2010)

Protech said:


> Mine is a Mexican doughnut holding a pistol, so I'm obviously a conservative authoritarian right? :laughing:


 
Is that what it is? All this time I thought it was your blow-up doll. :laughing:


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## U666A (Dec 11, 2010)

In black marker, rather sloppy..."I f***ed your mom last night!"

Underneath, in red marker, quite neat
"go home dad, you're drunk"

I laugh everytime I think of that!


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## Proud Plumber (Sep 15, 2008)

I wonder about a 1000 years from now when they dig up a S**T house, what the college professors who interpret the hieroglyphics will say. 

I have always gotten a kick out of *"multicultural"* references to the drinking straw, and the breath mint. Don't get me started on the art work on the wall.

I always find it interesting a person from another country does not speak English when you need them to move there truck. Same guy will write a perfect work of literary art in English on the S**t house wall in response to the picture drawn about his culture.


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## retired rooter (Dec 31, 2008)

*POOP report stories*

http://www.poopreport.com/ After30 plus yrs of plumbing I thought I had heard about all the jokes and stories about POOP !!! then I stumbled across this site ! How people could devote their time to write these stories is beyond me, but they are the funniest collection of POOP stories I have ever seen, written by educated people.


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## DUNBAR PLUMBING (Sep 11, 2008)

retired rooter said:


> http://www.poopreport.com/ After30 plus yrs of plumbing I thought I had heard about all the jokes and stories about POOP !!! then I stumbled across this site ! How people could devote their time to write these stories is beyond me, but they are the funniest collection of POOP stories I have ever seen, written by educated people.


 

I've made 5 submissions to that site, It's in the photo logs. 


lol "logs"


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

best of craigslist > south jersey > Using a Port-a-Potty Originally Posted: Fri, 26 Feb 11:39 EST 

*Using a Port-a-Potty*

Date: 2010-02-26, 11:39AM EST



With all the recent postings regarding ettiquette in various sectors of "service", I've decided to post one of my own. I am employed as a Port-a-Potty technician, and I'd appreciate it if you'd take a moment to follow these simple rules the next time you're in one of my outdoor comodes: 

(1.) Curb the urge to inscribe your ex-lover's name, telephone number and favorite sexual performance on the inside walls. Even though I met my current wife by calling one of these phone numbers, they're usually just made up or out of service. 
(2.) Try to deposit all of your feces inside the sitting platform hole. Some people seem to have trouble with this one, and it is very difficult for me to scrape dried fecal matter from the very porous plastic platform. 
(3.) Refrain from writing your initials/gang affiliation on the walls inside the septic unit using your feces. 
(4.) I realize it makes a good prank, but please stop tipping the septic unit while your friend is inside with his/her bowels in full action. Someone could be seriously injured while the unit is rolled over with a person inside and/or the fecal matter and urine inside the tank overflows. It creates more of a mess than the prank is worth. 
(5.) This one's for the women patrons...kindly deposit your soiled tampons, maxi-pads, panty-liners, or whatever menstrual cycle fluid absorbant you choose inside the built-in disposal compartment. Some of our lady patrons seem to think the built-in urinal is a good place to dispose of them, but I must say you're misinformed. That feature is designed for male patrons to urinate, and your tampon merely clogs the drain hole. 
(6.) Do not attempt to retrieve your cell phone, wallet, nose piercing, penis ring, keys, wedding ring or whatever else you consider valuable and have dropped inside the fecal matter collection bin. As a dedicated Septic Tank Technician, I am entitled to my Tips as well, and as the old saying goes: "finders keepers, losers weepers". 
(7.) After performing sexual acts in one of my Port-a-Potty units, kindly discard your soiled condoms and wrappers in the appropriate trash container. Don't simply leave them on the floor for me to pick up later. Your dried semen is more difficult than chewing gum to scrape off the floor. 
(8.) Do not smoke in the septic unit. Your feces emit a highly explosive gas, and can ignite when exposed to flame. Serious bodily injury or even death could result!! Besides, I have a security deposit on each of the septic units I'm responsible for. 
(9.) Kindly be environmentally aware that using too much toilet paper doesn't necessarily mean better wiping action. Years of research has indicated that, properly used, 2 feet of toilet paper is equally effective as 6 feet in fecal matter absorbing action. 
(10.) No matter how creative you may be, please refrain from sticking a fully-loaded wad of toilet paper on the inside walls of the septic unit. Yes, it may present a pleasant art display (when properly dried) for other patrons to enjoy, but it becomes very difficult to remove. 
(11.) Be considerate of your fellow citizens waiting to use the septic unit after you. Napping and/or sleeping in one of our septic units is prohibited. If you're that tired, go to the rest room at your local bus depot. 

Well, thank you for taking the time to read my post. Think of me the next time you're out and about and feel the sudden urge to relieve your bowels/bladder. Have a nice day!! 


Location: parking lot
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1618848861


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