# Things I like to say to customers ...



## smellslike$tome (Jun 16, 2008)

Especially after successfully dealing with a particularly difficult circumstance ...

"The pipe obeys the plumber, the plumber does not obey the pipe!"


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## ILPlumber (Jun 17, 2008)

"We will beat it into submission if we have to"


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## ROCKSTARPLUMBER (Dec 14, 2008)

How the hell do you live like this?


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## Phat Cat (Apr 1, 2009)

"My pleasure." and "Consider it done."


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## smellslike$tome (Jun 16, 2008)

When a customer complains about the amount of time a repair takes in retrospect relative to the price ...

"Why, thank you so much for noticing how quickly I was able to get you back to your day. I do make it look easy don't I?"

P.S. Never actually said this one but it's locked and loaded and ready for launch at the first opportunity :laughing:.


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## ILPlumber (Jun 17, 2008)

You didn't just pay me for a minor repair. You paid me for years of learning how to diagnose WHAT to repair.


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## service guy (Jun 26, 2008)

_"I just saved you a boatload of money. I fix it once, I fix it right and I give a warranty that lets you know you won't be paying for it again for a long time!"_
:thumbsup:


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## Plasticman (Oct 14, 2008)

Cause Im your plumberman.. :laughing:


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## smellslike$tome (Jun 16, 2008)

"You might want to sit down ..."


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## SewerRatz (Apr 25, 2009)

"sorry about the mess, but there is no extra charge for it."


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## Christina (Jul 14, 2009)

"Yes Sir, my dad said that you knew you too... that's why ((I)) am here."


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

Christina said:


> "Yes Sir, my dad said that you knew you too... that's why ((I)) am here."


 
Are you still on Nyquil ? :yes:


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## DUNBAR PLUMBING (Sep 11, 2008)

"Would you overinflate the tires in your car?"

"Would you say no to blood pressure medication if the doctor prescribed it?"

"You bathe in that ****!" 

"What's your wife's sisters name, she's cute." :yes:


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## service guy (Jun 26, 2008)

_"Cash, check or credit card?"_


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## ROCKSTARPLUMBER (Dec 14, 2008)

"you think water comes from where?"- filter pitch

"The anit-ejection filter has expired on your Fill valve"- Ballcock sale

" It should be okay, this is my first week LEARNING this."- 

Annoying customer pitch.


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## Cal (Jun 17, 2008)

" Next time , bring your toilet to my house ,,, I'll charge a little less "

While under a sink ," OH GOOD LORD !!!" just gets 'em ready for the bill 

What i want to say --- " I'm sure a PIG would leave this filthy place "


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## Master Mark (Aug 14, 2009)

question from customer..
well can you repair this???? 


My answer.......
Either I will either fix it right for you,, or I will screw it up 
so bad you will have to have new one......and that is a promise I can keep ...sir...:laughing:


I say that one all the time.. stops them right in their tracks...





or when a plumbing debate begins.......

you DO realize that I do this for a living, dont you??..


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## Bollinger plumber (Apr 3, 2009)

Just say yes I'll do the rest


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## pauliplumber (Feb 9, 2009)

After a HO see's me getting into a place to do a repair, that they didn't think was possible. Or fix something that didn't seem fixable.

"Well, if my job were easy, I'd be out of work"


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## nhmaster3015 (Aug 5, 2008)

Thanks for the payment


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## pauliplumber (Feb 9, 2009)

If you plug THIS toilet, please consult your doctor:whistling2:


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## ROCKSTARPLUMBER (Dec 14, 2008)

"You can't stick that in there."


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## UnclogNH (Mar 28, 2009)

I know on the box it say's flushable. "BUT It's NOT"
Wow  this is bad. And you waited this long?
How could they live like this?
Sorry it's C.O.D 
Stop right there land lords number please?
You did this :whistling2:
Can I do it for less? :laughing: My bills say NO! :no:


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## Song Dog (Jun 12, 2008)

"You can't put a cost on knowledge and experience"
"Does your other contractor have a lisc. and makes sure he tries to keep as much USA made product on his truck?"
"We will take care of it for you and give you a guarantee that no one else can do"
They ask - how long have you been doing this 
My reply- Oh about a week now, I am pretty much winging it LOLOLOL Only certain people I say this, then we both laugh. Breaks the ice in a way.

Thanks to 22 for this one:
when they complain about price
"I do work for the restricted income and wealthy. The restricted income can only afford to do it once and the wealthy want the very best"

In Christ,

Song Dog


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## 422 plumber (Jul 31, 2008)

#1: "Huh?!"
#2: "I've never seen this happen before."
#3: "I"ll fix this even if it costs every last nickel in your maintenance budget."
This gets said only at power plants or factories


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## LEAD INGOT (Jul 15, 2009)

When I walk into a filthy house and the customer apologizes for the clutter and I say, its not that bad. What I want to say is, Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, I smell ass!


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## nhmaster3015 (Aug 5, 2008)

Yes maa'm those are magnificent, but I can not accept them as payment


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## Turd Burglar (Sep 26, 2009)

_"Oooooo, look! a chocolate bar!"_

That gets 'em every time! :laughing::jester:

I crack myself up.:thumbup:


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## Plasticman (Oct 14, 2008)

No sir/mam I can't pencil you in for when you get home after 5


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

Fixed the shi- out of another one.


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## leak1 (Mar 25, 2009)

did you have corn for supper last nite?


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## Airgap (Dec 18, 2008)

I'm sure you're husband usually can fix anything, but you probably should call us first the next time something like this happens... It might save you some headaches.


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## LEAD INGOT (Jul 15, 2009)

You can get a good look at a t-bone steak by sticking your head up a bull's ass, but would'nt you rather take the butchers word for it.


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## Herk (Jun 12, 2008)

HO: "Wow! That never drained so quickly before!"

Me: "Well, I never worked on it before."

Small annoying child: "Why is the basement full of water . . ?"


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## Airgap (Dec 18, 2008)

Hey, you gonna eat the rest of that pizza?


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## Bollinger plumber (Apr 3, 2009)

Call me damn it I need some work!!!!!!


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## ROCKSTARPLUMBER (Dec 14, 2008)

"Excuse me while I whip this out."


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## nipthedog (Aug 31, 2009)

Every time you flush your toilet you're putting food in my family's mouth


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## nipthedog (Aug 31, 2009)

"Did you hear that someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet?
Right now the cops have nothing to go on....." :detective:


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## Pipedoc (Jun 14, 2009)

"Would you like fries with that?"




Oh, wait a minute, that's my other job. :laughing:





When they tell me "my husband can do that" I tell them "we speacialize in fixing husband's repair jobs."


And my favorite reply to "How long have you been doing this?" is "I don't know, what time is it?"


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## Turd Burglar (Sep 26, 2009)

Plasticman said:


> Yes, sir/mam I can pencil you in for when you get home after 5. I charge overtime though for service calls after 5pm...wait, what was that, you think thats theivery huh? Uh,huh, yes, I am a sort of burglar actually.:yes:


Thats how I say it.:laughing:


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## RealLivePlumber (Jun 22, 2008)

I was fixing a customers water closet one day (quick flapper swap), Mrs. HO watching me the whole time, over my shoulder. She tells me "you know, my husband could have done this, but he is to busy. He is a surgeon". Yes Ma'am, I say.

Write up the bill $210.00. But you were only here 10 minutes!! Yes Ma'am, I say.

I was going to be a surgeon, then I found out plumbers make more money.


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## tnoisaw (Jun 16, 2009)

Sorry, I'm married.


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## Song Dog (Jun 12, 2008)

Yep, you will be amazed as to what grows around a lagoon at the satitary district.

This is kinda like a colonascopy (sp) but on a bigger scale. 

In Christ,

Song Dog


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## pauliplumber (Feb 9, 2009)

*I look really young*

No ma'am, I'm not your paperboy collecting, I'm the plumber you just called. Not all plumbers are fat, 50, bald, crack hanging out, with a plunger over their shoulder.


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## Pipedoc (Jun 14, 2009)

Used this one today.

HO asked if I minded if they watch me work.

Nope. Watching is free. I charge extra if you help.


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## Bollinger plumber (Apr 3, 2009)

pauliplumber said:


> No ma'am, I'm not your paperboy collecting, I'm the plumber you just called. Not all plumbers are fat, 50, bald, crack hanging out, with a plunger over their shoulder.


 Considering you just described me to a tee I take this post very offensive.:laughing::laughing::laughing:


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## SlickRick (Sep 3, 2009)

Bollinger plumber said:


> Considering you just described me to a tee I take this post very offensive.:laughing::laughing::laughing:


I'm 52 but that's all I resemble... :blink:


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## 1703 (Jul 21, 2009)

Did this one today:

Restaraunt manager:

"I'm being told one of our urinals is not draining. Can you get someone out today?"

Me:

"Sure. Is it in the men's or women's room?

Restaraunt manager:

Long pause then "I dunno, they didn't tell me that."


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## retired rooter (Dec 31, 2008)

Today I unstopped a sink for a doctor (no kidding ) I gave him price from book(he never flinched) and let him look at bio -clean brochure,while I worked on the sink, he said add it to the bill .A job that should have taken 30 min ended up taking 1 1/2 hrs I felt like griping but most go as they should so we talked about fishing and he finally told me under his house looked like a pipe scrapyard (100#) yr old historic house but everything cleaned up good and I got a new customer( AS ELVIS SAID TREAT UM NICE)


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